The Great Coney Island Tug of War

Current and former Wall Street "Masters of the Universe" will arrive on the beach protected by a police escort as they prepare to face off against a team of regular Joes (many of whom lost their jobs and life savings in the financial crisis) in The Great Coney Island Tug of War.

The event, hosted by Coney Island on Saturday, May 30, 11am-1pm on the beach between W. 10th St & W. 12th St., is an attempt to move beyond the festering animosity created by the economic collapse.

"If the Main Street team wins, it will enable the so-called "little man" to show his strength " said Kenneth Hochman, spokesperson for Coney Island. "This event has the potential to improve the national mood and end America's crisis of confidence, ushering in a new era of prosperity."

The Great Coney Island Tug-of-War is a wide-ranging dispute resolution mechanism that will feature multiple different match-ups, including firefighters and police officers, vegans and carnivores, green-minded cyclists and unapologetic motorists, and Cyclone fans and Wonder Wheel fans. The 1,000-foot tug-of-war rope also will be offered as a platform to any two groups with an intractable disagreement.

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The Full Schedule is Below:

10:45 am:         MC Ryan Nerz 
11 am:              Runners vs. Bikers
11:15 am:         Mets fans vs. Yankees fans
11:30 am:         Female runners vs. Male runners
11:45 am:         Glass half full (stocks) vs. Glass half empty (bonds)
12 pm:              Grey's Anatomy fans vs. Gossip Girl Fans
12:15 pm:         Carnivores (Nathan's lovers) vs. Vegans (tofu lovers)
12:30 pm:          Wonder Wheel fans vs. Cyclone fans
12:30 pm:          (10 police officers from 60 Precinct arrive)
12:45 pm:          Police vs. Firefighters
12:50 pm:          (Police escort "Wall Streeters" to boardwalk
1 pm:                 Main Street vs. Wall Street